Im loving this book Simplify by Carolyn J. Rasmus. It has come around at just the right time. I think being a stay at home "mormon" mom you find yourself comparing yourself to others. It's easy to do and I know we all do it. I have had people tell me they always feel inadequate when they look at people's blogs because they feel like they can't keep up with what other women are doing. I know I am to blame for this because I post these crafts that im doing and don't post the fact that I really didn't even get it done - which so far has been the case with my easter crafts. I too feel these same feelings and wish we could find a way not to do it. Mormon women have a real problem appearing that we have it all together and thats what creates all these feelings of inadequacy. I don't have a great solution - for me I think it's good to be honest about what you can and can't do but also be aware of it and not flaunt it for everyone to see. I think for mormon women it's especially difficult not only are we having to do the basics like: laundry, house cleaning, spending time with our kids, running them to and from acitivities, mealtimes, the list could go on. But we also add on all of our church responsibilites making sure we are having family home evenings, attending to our church callings, scriptures and so forth. I know we all look around at each other and wish we were doing more. What I love about this book is first it reminds you what is really important. Not once does it talk about making sure our houses are perfect or our kids look really cute, or we are making something really cute and crafty - it talks about the scriptures, it talks about simplifying those things around us so we have room in our lives for more important things. Hey Im all for creating beautiful things - thats what I love. But I think I needed a little reminder to take it easy and go slowly and move at a pace that is right for me. Im going to remind myself next time I feel this way that instead of trying to keep up with other women and usually failing because I can't do it all is to remember what is really important. At the the end of the day if I get the laundry done, my house cleaned up, I've played with my kids, made dinner had prayers and read our scriptures and tried to do it all with a smile on my face I can feel good in the end that is all that really matters.
My Goals after reading this book:
1. Reduce time - looking at blogs and mindlessly surfing the internet ( this is what brings on those feelings of inadequacy.
2. Try to limit my blog posts to once a week.
3. Come up with 1 craft or tablescape a month - (this is what I love to do but I decided If I did just this- I could still find enjoyment but at the same time it was an attainable goal)
4. Scriptures, prayers and home evening - if this is all I can do - I have done whats most important.
P.S this post is meant as a reminder for me and are just some of my thoughts. I will still post projects but might be more aware of how they are perceived -
Example: What you didn't know was due to my inability to make decisions that it took me a year to to come up with that paint color and my sister finally decided for me. Things aren't always as they seem....
16 comments:
Good for you, Tia. I keep my blog as a journal not a showcase. I enjoy peeking in on everyone and just keeping in touch. We are all lucky to be alive at the end of the day (in my house).
BRAVO Tia for reminding us all what is MOST important! Finding balance in my life has been one of the most challenging principles I've had to learn. I too have felt that "blog envy" and have had to just stop looking at other blogs. Blogs in may ways have just become another way for women to compare themselves to one another. I think when I try NOT to compare myself to others and remember that I am unique and awesome in my eyes and God's, then I find true joy. I also have to say I love the goals that you set. I think this is a great way to achieve balance in our lives as Mothers. I don't think we have to just stay at home and wipe snotty noses all day... it's O.K. to personally enrich ourselves with whatever talents we may have. We just can't let or "projects" take over our lives. And if we can do it all with a SMILE that's even better. Thanks for this type of post... I think this is how we bless one another's lives... by sharing our true thoughts and feelings and not painting the perfect facade.
Sorry for the length.
Nicole
Tia, I love you!! I so needed to hear this. I am going to try and read that book. It sounds a lot like that talk that the General RS President gave at Conference. I feel like I am treading water with 4 little kids I am doing just the basics and sometimes they don't look so cute! Thanks for making me feel better.
i couldn't have said it better! thanks for the reminder! i certainly feel like i'm keeping my blog as a journaling/scrapbooking keepsake for my family..so when some look at it & may think oh..so perfect. NOT!!! I don't think I ever "scrapbooked" a page of my laundry piling up etc...although maybe i should have to keep it realistic. Us mommies need to keep reminding each other what really is important. THX tia:)
Tia -
Sounds like a GREAT book - I'll have to borrow it maybe?
I had a great conversation w/ Jess awhile back - a family friend had passed away and it really got me thinking about what is really important -many of the things you mentioned I thought about, and others that I won't list here (maybe in a phone conversation) Anyway. Great goals - Really good!
I know what you mean about seeing blogs and having feelings of inadequacy creep in -I've had that when I first started blogging, but I've gotten over that...I think we feel inadequate because we feel like we could be better, or want to change something about ourselves and then we see others who are where we want to be in certain areas??? What do you think?
... and I don't think you come across AT ALL like you are flaunting something!
Thanks Tia! I have had the same thoughts recently about not being crafty enough and having enough talents but reading this helped to realize I don't have to show my talents through crafts. I really wish I could talk to you about things like this, I need someone to talk to and vent to that sees things the way I do and I have yet to find someone like that out here. Anyway, I think all women need to read this and be grateful for the talents they do have and magnify those and not worry about others! Sorry for the long comment!
I just wanted to let you know I saw you bulletin board awhile back and loved it! I finally got around to making one today and I am pleased as pie with the finished product. Thanks for the idea!
I love this post, your awsome, I really need a good dose of Tia one of these days. We need to get together sometime, I have never even met your kiddos, I think you met Skyler, but that is it. When we move back to Yuma this summer, I am sure I will see you at least once a year when you go see your family there. Ok well have a good one, I want to turn off my comp now after reading this post and realizing I have been online reading and commenting on blogs for an hour!!!!!
Tia! I agree, I keep my blog as a journal and have never really thought of it that way before. How sad that people would compare themselves to others on their blogs. Especially since most people only put on things at their "best" and the people looking are comparing it to themselves at their "worst".
I definatly need to do better too! I just love seeing how people are doing and spend too much time on the computer (although right now I am sick and can't do much else). Thank you for the awesome book suggestion and for giving me a chance to check how I am doing too!
I have to say though - I LOVE seeing the beautiful way you decorate - I have no talent in that area and I admire it! I don't compare myself though cause I am sure there is something I can do good that you might think it great. Who knows:)
I can see that everybody loves this post and I must admit I really never even thought of it that way- I love to see other's blogs- they inspire me. I hope my blogs do not come across like I am trying to be something I am not- I always try to be truthful in my journaling. So I get it- but I don't get it. I just feel like we can't control how others blog but we can work mostly on how we view them. Make sense? anyways- good reminder for us to be truthful and not compare.
So this post was definetly not for everyone, again this is how I feel and I know not everyone agrees with that. But to those who do feel inadequacy at times hopefully it helped them feel a little better!
T - you definitely got me thinking after this post but thanks for your vote of confidence and for checking in on me. I'll be thinking of you this week while Meg is there partying with you!
An interesting note: A family member of mine who posts daily about her seemingly perfect child who can-do-no-wrong just told me that she posts good things about him after he does naughty things to help control her anger. I thought that was interesting but I tried to help her see that the only thing her readers see of the situation is how perfect he seems. Isn't blogging becoming complex?! I just want to share recipes with people. . . and let my family know that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth!
And PS - I think your fantastic!
Tia, I liked your honesty in this blog. It sucks to feel inadequate. I think we've all felt that way at some point. I think working at a pace that is right for you will really help with the way you feel. I have been doing that lately. I just focus on one extra thing I want to accomplish and it usually works out good. Overloading yourself is never fun. I think it's better to have one project turn out great and enjoy the process of it, instead of having several that just stress you out.
Hey Tia, I just stopped by from Sara's blog....I have been thinking about this very thing for a while now! Maybe I need that book. It's so hard not to compare ourselves (well for me it is). It does seem like we try to "do it all" and do it perfectly. It's sad to me because if I get caught up in comparing myself to someone else I lose my ability to love them unconditionally because I'm too busy thinking about myself. Does that make ANY sense. I have so many thoughts on this subject, but I can never make them sound right- but you did. So, I'll shut up and just say thank you for this! :)
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