Grateful For

Words of Apostles

It's been a while since I've written a long post - so I figured today is a perfect day for that. I've just finished reading this book by Richard G. Scott - Peace, Joy, and Happiness. I love this book. I LOVE how the spirit can pour out of words from the pages of a book - especially those from an apostle. The book touches on alot of different things - but what stood out to me was finding peace amid the trials in your life. This has always been hard for me and I find myself being swallowed up by some of the trials I go through, not being able to focus on other things until I get through or fix whatever is happening at the time. So obviously not the smartest way to go. I don't want to be like this because how do I know when that trial is going to end and I want to find peace throughout the trial not let it take over my life but endure it with strength and peace of mind. As I have worked on it and prayed for it constantly the peace comes. I still have those moments of despair but they move quickly and that underlying peace that Richard G. Scott talks about is there. He talks about keeping yourself busy with things that make you smile, things you enjoy and so I try to do little projects every now and then, just enough to keep my mind off of things.

My testimony

I want my children to know how much I love the gospel, that it means everything to me. My testimony is one of the most sacred and personal things in my life. I have never before yearned for the gospel like I do in my life today. I've had to work hard for this. Like alot of things that are worthwhile it takes work. I have found this to be true with my testimony of the gospel and also that of being a mother. I've been reading this book on motherhood and the author was talking about how girls are being raised to look down on motherhood, maybe not intentionally - society wants strong independent women with careers. I'm sad to say I completely fit into this category. I wanted the career and I wasnt' raising my hand in YW's saying I wanted to be a mom when I grew up.
So it came down to being unhappy and unfulfilled or searching and praying for a testimony on motherhood. Within the last two years I can say I finally have a strong testimony of both of these things. I want nothing more than being at home raising my children. I really don't desire anything else in life - I've always searched for something something that I was good at, something that could make me great. And one day I stopped and realized I was searching for the wrong thing. I started praying to be content with who I was and where I was in life. I prayed for a testimony on motherhood. I needed to know how important it was that it was really the most important thing in this world, and finally I got it. It's funny but I kinda look at it as my project, that might sound wierd but this is how I have to view things If I want to do it right. It's my mission it's my task - it's the only thing that matters - well that and my marriage. But if I look at it this way I know will do everything in my power to do it RIGHT. So okay I mess up everyday, pretty much every hour but I am determined now more than ever to get better. I have never longed for this but I do now. I am so excited for this baby that is about to come to bring a child into this world and to love and hold it. I don't remember always feeling this strongly about my pregnancy and my babies - more apprehension than anything. But I really am truly excited and that feels really good. It feels really good to finally be at peace about alot of things in your life and this is what I am grateful for.